First thing’s first: I shouldn’t be writing this right now. I have four papers and two finals to write over the next seven days, and frankly I’m shitting bricks. Getting it all done, and furthermore doing a good job on it, is an incredibly daunting task, and as such the fear of failure is very real for me at the moment. If you, like me, are a university or college student, this is probably a familiar phenomenon to you. Your blood runs cold at the thought of exam season, and the threat of not measuring up to the academic standards set by you, your family, or your peers is constantly on your mind. We’re told that this is normal; it’s our job as students to absolutely exhaust our mental and physical faculties in order to perform as well as possible, and anything less is unacceptable. And while I accepted this concept for years, my university career has opened my eyes to how unhealthy it is. I'm noticing now more than ever how common academically-induced stressed is; all around me, people are tearing their hair out over exam angst or crying themselves to sleep because they just can't get a paper done, and it's truly alarming. Thus, although my workload is the reason I that I most definitely shouldn’t be writing this, it’s also the reason that I decided to say “screw it” and do it anyways.
My obsession with grades dates back seemingly as far as I can remember. Knowing the kind of person I am, I was probably engaging in competitive block-stacking in preschool and shoving self-proclaimed “superior” cursive handwriting in the faces of my grade one classmates way back when. In retrospect, yes, I was incredibly douchey, but the thing is, I couldn’t help it. My grades were a huge part of who I was and, in particular, a vital determinant of my self-worth. Getting B’s signified that I was doing just fine, A’s that I was the bomb dot com, and C’s… Well, I couldn’t bear the thought of ever receiving one. THAT’S the immense weight that I placed on my grades, and at the time it didn’t appear to have any detrimental side effects. My desire to see sparkly “Great job!” stickers on my work acted as my motivation to "get 'er done" during my primary education, and eventually translated into my pursuit of straight A’s all throughout middle school and eventually high school. My infatuation with high grades seemed to be beneficial to me for all of these years; it gave me the push I needed to perform at the top of my game. However, when I entered university I began to notice signs that my love affair with academic success might be a toxic one.
I received my very first C during my first semester at university, and, while this may be a mild exaggeration, I swear it felt like someone close to me had died. I was devastated, and I mean DEVASTATED. I cried, I ripped up papers, I tried to figure out if a miscalculation had occurred. I felt as though by failing to live up to the academic standards I had set for myself, I had failed in life. I vowed that I’d never suffer such humiliation ever again, and I was certain that if I studied hard enough I could do it. But you know what? Despite my best efforts I’ve gotten other C’s since then and, shockingly, I’ve lived to tell the tale. Yes, it’s a bummer to feel as though you’re not getting what you deserve, but slowly but surely I’ve realized that subpar grades aren’t the end of the world. Not by a long shot.
This will likely sound contrived since I know it’s been discussed by countless others before me, but I really do think that our pursuit of academic success in the superficial sense is impeding our ability to truly learn. We go to our classes with two goals in mind: obtain a credit and maintain a good GPA in order to go on to bigger and better things post-graduation. It’s an automatic system; we don’t absorb the information we’re presented with beyond what is needed to succeed on papers and exams. We go to school to “learn”, but all we’re really “learning” is how to recite information and reflect on concepts only insofar as we’re told to. Really, ask yourself: when was the last time you went to a lecture and truly listened? I don’t mean listening in the sense of passively jotting down whatever your professor says while trying not to doze off. I mean being actively engaged in what they’re saying and reflecting on it by your own free will, perhaps (gasp!) even enjoying it. I know that in my case, at least, experiences like that are few and far between. It’s not even that I don’t care for the material I’m being taught; I’m taking subjects that in any other context I’d be fascinated by, but since the end goal of a 4.0 is always in the forefront of my mind I’m too dead-set on writing down everything that might help me on an exam to pause and actually PROCESS what I’m hearing. Does this sort of apathetic learning truly count as education?
Now, I’m sure someone will be quick to point out that education seems pretty damn futile if you don’t get good grades and a degree. University is a huge investment of time and money that you simply can’t get back, so yes, you’re being pretty dumb if you’re not trying to succeed. However, I firmly believe that there’s so much more to education than simply meeting the requirements to graduate; the experiences you have along the way are equally, perhaps even more, important. Think of it this way: when you’re out competing in the job market, maybe having high grades will be what scores you an interview. However, if in the process of obtaining these grades you went through school on autopilot, there’s a good chance that you may have missed out on valuable knowledge and experience that could enable you to land the job over other candidates or to keep it once it’s yours. Perhaps this line of thought is naïve of me, as I’m well aware of the highly competitive nature of today’s professional world. But it just seems wrong that someone’s grades should count for so much when they’re only one of many components that make up one’s educational experience.
Even more troubling to me is the extent to which our academic standings determine our self-worth. While I don’t have any statistics or “expert reports” to back this statement up, it seems as though our generation is more plagued by the need-to-succeed virus than any of our predecessors. I don’t know if it’s our fault, our parents’ fault, our educational system’s fault, or the fault of society as a whole, but many of the diverse traits that can define someone’s success have slipped by the wayside in favour of the idea that smarts are what determine your future. Our traditional intelligence is fostered, evaluated and ranked all throughout our lives, while our emotional intelligence, practical intelligence, artistic intelligence, kinesthetic intelligence and everything in between are neglected and seen as less valuable. And, pun somewhat intended, I think that’s really stupid. A person can’t be defined by their ability to write a poem or solve a difficult equation, so it doesn’t make sense for us to determine so much of who we are based on how we measure up in only these areas. As the adage goes, it’s like judging a fish on their ability to ride a bicycle. Evidently they’re not going to perform too well, but when you see them swim you realize just how talented they are.
Yes, my grades have gone downhill since I entered the post-secondary world. However, if I were to give myself a grade in life, I’d say that I’ve made significant improvements. Forcing myself to stop evaluating my self-worth as a function of my GPA has made me realize that there’s a lot more to who I am than just academics, and, as cheesy as this will undeniably sound, I’ve grown a lot as a person because of it. I’m hoping that reading this will help you to realize that you too are so much more than a red pen-mark at the top of an exam booklet; you’re multifaceted, unique and awesome, and no grade can do that justice. So next time you find yourself freaking out over a test that didn’t go too well, remember that it doesn’t define you. Shit happens, and it doesn’t make you any less of a person! Just try your best, because in the end that’s what matters the most. Now, with that being said, I have to go try my best to get through this next week of evaluations, so I’ll wrap it up: I wish you all the utmost luck on your finals, and regardless of their outcomes you’ll all be receiving A+’s in my heart.
